Vee: People always say that you shouldn't say anything too grave over the phone because it's impersonal and can lead to misunderstandings. I'm here to tell you that neither of those things matter. What's the person on the other end of the line going to do? They're all the way over there and you're safely out of the firing range because you were clever, delivering that terrible message by proxy.
Sure, there are socially apt folks out there who thrive on doing things "face to face" and have an arsenal of skills that allow them to comfort the bereaved, cheer the downtrodden, and say things like 'they're out of chips at the corner store' without the listener bursting into inconsolable tears.
I am not one of those people, so -trust me on this one- you do not want me there, grimacing at your sorrow, shifting uncomfortably, eyes darting around at anything but your blotchy grief-stricken face. It's better that you deal with that moment alone, after I've hung up the phone and you're left in peace.
The other side of the coin is if somebody is a socially awkward person receiving bad news in person. I've personally never experienced this because nobody talks to me (see above for why), but I can say with utter certainty, the culmination of that exchange would be much, much worse.
Geeks thrive on three things: being correct, showing you that they are correct, and most of all, anonymity. The problem is, nobody is in the right when it comes to tragedy. That will throw your misanthropic colleague into fight-or-flight mode, and they will either run away, or -in the worst case scenario- try to disprove the very concrete information you've just imparted. These arguments will be a) offensive and b) not researched. For example "your face has inoperable cancer", or "whatever, you lost ONE grandmother? I've lost FIFTEEN".
In these situations, call the person, expel the news at a clear, rapid-fire pace, and immediately hang up. The next time you see them, throw some toffees on their desk and depart quickly. Keep this up until nobody can remember what that bad news even was.
Jaime: I think it's a fantastic indicator of the quality of our relationship that we can still have these harsh and deeply insulting exchanges.
In fact, it was a major influence on my attraction to her early on, when I would insinuate that she was a crab infested harpy vomited forth from the loins of some dark forgotten god, and she would just laugh it off an call me a wretched cunt and we'd go out for pancakes.
