Vee: I want to publish a paper on this, based on many years of research. The Principle of Inhibitory Capacity in the Common James. Findings suggest that the subject possesses a stunted, if not entirely vestigial frontal lobe.
Hopefully, by now, you've heard of the Marshmallow Experiment. This was a test conducted to see which core personality traits could be predicted early on by measuring a kid's ability to not eat a marshmallow. Those who ate the sweets as children did more poorly on their SATs than those who were able to resist.
Not an especially big surprise there; if you have good self control, you're more likely to study and not do things like single-handedly ingest the contents a beer bong while doing a hand stand.
What worries me is that James would fail that test. He would fail it now.
I'm not sure if this is due to his lackadaisical attitude in life, or repeated traumas to the head, or a combination of the two.
Regardless, it results in quite a few quirks (which I would probably find far less charming had I not married him) including, but not limited to:
- eating desert first ("I could die before dinner ends." - James)
- purchasing very expensive things without consideration ("I LIKE BICYCLES." - James)
- consuming a little bit of everything on grocery day ("I'm checking that it's okay." - James)
- acquiring multiple copies of books or chargers ("I couldn't find it after a millisecond of looking." - James)
- finishing an entire bag of chips in one sitting ("WHY. Why didn't you take it away from me?" - James)
James: This is based on very real occurrences - I can never buy anything in bulk, because some part of my monkey brain forces me to eat it all at once.
I've tried a variety of tactics, including stashing the offending foodstuff away in a high cupboard or separating it into smaller caches.
So far... nothing works.
So far... nothing works.
