Vee: Being the sort of lady who actively rejects female culture [a thinly veiled solace for being shunned from it] I've tried to like sports on several occasions.
None of these worked out.
If you really want to torture me, and I mean super-villain levels of revenge torture, force me to watch some kind of televised game.
There is just something about those tiny figures running around that makes my entire BEING curl up in boredom like a dying spider.
Honestly, it's about on par with CSPAN in my mind.
This made it a bit awkward when I lived in Little Portugal, in a boarding house with at least 6 genuinely Portuguese individuals.
When the World Cup came along, they were beside themselves with delight, trying vainly to get me to run out into traffic with them and yell at cars.
I have yet to fully understand what this accomplishes for their team, but I did like watching them terrify tourists with their overly exuberant flag waving and incomprehensible chanting.
Now THAT should become a sport.
None of these worked out.
If you really want to torture me, and I mean super-villain levels of revenge torture, force me to watch some kind of televised game.
There is just something about those tiny figures running around that makes my entire BEING curl up in boredom like a dying spider.
Honestly, it's about on par with CSPAN in my mind.
This made it a bit awkward when I lived in Little Portugal, in a boarding house with at least 6 genuinely Portuguese individuals.
When the World Cup came along, they were beside themselves with delight, trying vainly to get me to run out into traffic with them and yell at cars.
I have yet to fully understand what this accomplishes for their team, but I did like watching them terrify tourists with their overly exuberant flag waving and incomprehensible chanting.
Now THAT should become a sport.
Jaime: Soccer seems to be just... running, with the occasional presence of a ball.
In hockey there's usually more than 25 shots on goal, while in soccer there's usually less than 10 (that's both teams combined). On average, a soccer game will see 2.5 goals and it lasts for nearly 2 hours - that's about one shot on goal per ten minutes of play and a goal every 45 minutes, which is the very definition of 'slow'.
You could be in a stadium watching a soccer game, get up and leave your seat, go to the bathroom, buy some beer and popcorn, chat up the attractive girl selling hats, read the sports program, get lost, and eventually make your way back to your seat WITHOUT EVEN MISSING A SHOT ON GOAL! In hockey there's usually more than 25 shots on goal, while in soccer there's usually less than 10 (that's both teams combined). On average, a soccer game will see 2.5 goals and it lasts for nearly 2 hours - that's about one shot on goal per ten minutes of play and a goal every 45 minutes, which is the very definition of 'slow'.
Mind you, I can't comprehend the allure of most sports anyways... baseball has to have the least physically impressive athletes of any sport, and the action is so slow and meandering that most of the players can go an entire game without actually having to move. Basketball has the opposite problem, where the athletes are so physically perfect for the sport and so highly trained that they routinely score more than a hundred points in a single game, so that the entire process is just a matter of watching two teams taking turns dunking on each other. Football has so many breaks in play that it ruins what might have been an interesting concept (like having sex but stopping every minute or so to fix your hair), and the number of players and the ridiculous safety measures and rules means watching a game of football is actually less fun than planning a game of football.
Then there's the 'endurance' sports like biking, running, rowing, etc where the competitors don't even have to be there - you could just as easily had them compete in separate locations on different days and then just compared their best times and mailed out the trophy. These hardly even qualify as sports, as they don't actually involve any thinking or competition, all you have to do to win is be the most physically efficient athlete in your chosen specialization. Look at rowing for fucks sake, you're not even facing forward! You want to know why Lance Armstrong is such a great cyclist? Because he's a genetic freak with a resting heart rate less than half that of the average person in good health.
If you're not really moving, and instead are using a machine to move, then it's not a sport; motocross, car racing, yachting, etc
There are sports I personally don't like, but at least recognize as actual sports, like tennis or volleyball, because they require actual skill and contention between opponents but are still really boring.
So which are the real sports, that have actual athletic competition between opponents and require thinking, physical excellence, bravery, teamwork and leaves the audience entertained and inspired?
Hockey. Rugby. Bull fighting. Fighting.
That is all.
